I don’t know who my father is and I’m fine with that. But being mistreated by people because of that reason wasn’t fine at all. Specially when those people are the ones that decided to raise me. 

I often fantasized about living in an orphanage growing up. That might have been better or worse but I thought it would be better. Another thing I fantasized all the time was killing those people I mentioned earlier. But when I realized those are just fantasies that would never come true, I decided to run away from home. 

Well, to be honest, I didn’t decide then. It was just one of my many fantasies. I had always thought if nothing happens by the time I graduate from highschool, I would have no other choice but run away. So since I was 9 years old, I started getting prepared for the big day. By the time I was 13 years old, I had saved about 500 dollars. By the time I was 18, I had 8000 dollars. 

I thought I planned it all well. But it didn’t turn out good. I failed. 

I spent the next 3 years doing everything and doing nothing at the same time. Regular “normal” people would say I was wasting my time. But I learned way too many stuff during that time to say it was wasted. However… that’s not what I want to talk about. 

Sometimes I think about what would have happened if that 3 years didn’t happen. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret running away. There were some things I didn’t really have to do during that 3 years but.. things happened already, so what.

I might have graduated from college like regular kids and I would’ve had a normal college life I guess. As much as there are things I got to experience that’s normally not possible for regular people, there are also many things I couldn’t do because of my situation. If there’s any regret, that would be friends.