When Mila’s brother was born, everyone was in festive mood for awhile. But things quickly went back to normal. Don was extra busy trying to start his own business and of course Iris was busy with the new born baby. It didn’t take long Iris got tired of taking care of the baby alone and not having time to have fun at all. That’s when she decided to call one of her lovers from college. 

David had always loved Iris but he could never get pass the friends with benefit relationship they had. By the time he wanted to propose to her, his best friend Don had already had a move on her. He could’ve told Don about their relationship but he thought it’s best to keep in secret, at least he believed so at that time. After the graduation, he heard those two got married and he became a school teacher and lived his own life. Until today he got a phone call from Iris.

Iris sounded very upset on the phone but she refused to say anything until they met in person. David was worried about Don but Iris said not to tell Don since it’s about him. David arrived to the cafe they used to go when they were in college and saw Iris walking in, but she didn’t look upset at all. In fact, she looked very excited and happy to see him. When she took her coat off, David forgot about everything and could only see her. She had a yellow short-sleeve sweater that’s way too short so her belly button was showing. When she sat next to him, her black skirt showed a huge slit all the way up her thigh. That’s how David started dating married Iris. 

Too many thoughts are crossing my mind. Haven’t been sleeping well for days now. Hard to fall asleep again just like how it was years ago. Always tired as hell but can’t even take a nap comfortably.

This is it. It’s really the time to finally say the real good bye. Have no clue how it would be after. Less than a week left. I’m building puzzles any free time I could get. It’s a really good hobby to clear my thoughts. But when everything’s quite and dark, when all I can hear is others sleeping, it all comes back.

I don’t even know what I’m really doing. I’m not even thinking about anything. It’s as if my mind went blank all of the sudden and I feel like my whole body disappeared and only my thoughts are floating around the room. But when I try to catch those thoughts, my body becomes a huge burden on me. Wish I could cut off my arms, legs, actually everything but the head.

I know I’ll be tired tomorrow again. My head hurts from lack of sleep. I want to sleep but I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to have another day to come. I want to run away. In the end that’s what I do best. I don’t know what to do.

I wanna be really sick so that I can’t even move a finger. I wish I could live in a world with no i worries. Not even that. I wish I could not worry about a thing.

When I just feel down for whatever reason, I can’t even be down as I feel because I feel bad for being sad since my husband hates it so much. Kind of feel like I lost my freedom of feeling. I really don’t know what to do when I feel like ‘I must be happy no matter what.’ I want to have a choice. Wish I had a friend I can just share every freaking thing without worrying about others.

I want to run away.

I had felt like this before. A couple of years ago when we were getting married and looking to buy a house and all that, I felt like I was trapped and i felt like if I get in that trap I will never be able to get out. Turned out it was a safe trap to tale me to a happier life. But then, I was scared as hell. I wanted to run away then.

And now, i want to run away again. I don’t really know why. I have no clue. I want to think of a solution and work it out but I just have no freaking clue. I wanna leave.

Times like this, I would usually just take few days and go somewhere like beach, mountains, lakes.. But that’s not even possible any more. What the hell do I do?

Iris was born rich and always wanted to keep it that way. Her family had the first TV in the whole town when she was young. She never had to wear her sisters’ clothes growing up even if they were in perfect condition. She just always had everything new all the time. Not only that, all of her siblings including herself went to one of the best universities in country. Her parents raised them that way. They made sure the kids got everything nice and that they learned everything nice. Things didn’t really happen that way though. Her older sisters graduated from those nice universities just to meet better men to marry. Of course Iris wasn’t that different either. 

When Iris was in university, she joined the school’s cheer leading team thinking that she would have better chance meeting a lot of boys. She was a famous school slut for first 2 years and then she started dating just couple of guys. When she met Don on her 4th year of school, she believed Don would have no clue about her past and thought he would make a great husband.

Don had just discharged from military duty and returned to his school. He had heard stories about this famous rich party girl but the moment he saw her eyes, he forgot all about it. He didn’t care what she used to do and how she used to be. He knew he had to marry her. And as soon as they graduated, they got married within a month. 

Please make me an orphan. Period.

Mila never knew why. She had a very well known rich family, to be exact rich father. Her father was a very successful businessman and he owned a company that almost half of the country would have heard of. But her family was the living example of “money isn’t everything”. Many people respected her father for how he had raised his company from nothing, but he never earned respect from his own family. His brothers and sisters thought of him as free ATM machine. And his wife had been cheating on him since they had the first child. That first child turned out to be an useless hopeless childish forever-college-student lazy ass who couldn’t even graduate highschool on his own so that his father had to pay for the highschool diploma. You might think he’s 21 or something but nope, he’s 31 years old and still in college. On the other hand, his half sister Mila was doing much better than him.

Mila and the brother had the same mother. After the brother was born, their mother started dating a school teacher if you can call that dating. They had 3 dates and on the 3rd date she got pregnant. That baby was Mila. Just like that, they never saw each other again and sadly he still didn’t know Mila’s existence until today.

I like playing hide and seek with my dog. It’s more fun probably because he’s not so good at finding me. Hope he gets better as he gets older.

theinexperiencedgirl asked: just curious, where did you runaway to?

I was living in Korea when that happened, and I just ran away to different part in Korea. Eventually I got caught though… but things didn’t stop there and few years later I got to fly away all the way across the earth to NYC.

I don’t know who my father is and I’m fine with that. But being mistreated by people because of that reason wasn’t fine at all. Specially when those people are the ones that decided to raise me. 

I often fantasized about living in an orphanage growing up. That might have been better or worse but I thought it would be better. Another thing I fantasized all the time was killing those people I mentioned earlier. But when I realized those are just fantasies that would never come true, I decided to run away from home. 

Well, to be honest, I didn’t decide then. It was just one of my many fantasies. I had always thought if nothing happens by the time I graduate from highschool, I would have no other choice but run away. So since I was 9 years old, I started getting prepared for the big day. By the time I was 13 years old, I had saved about 500 dollars. By the time I was 18, I had 8000 dollars. 

I thought I planned it all well. But it didn’t turn out good. I failed. 

I spent the next 3 years doing everything and doing nothing at the same time. Regular “normal” people would say I was wasting my time. But I learned way too many stuff during that time to say it was wasted. However… that’s not what I want to talk about. 

Sometimes I think about what would have happened if that 3 years didn’t happen. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret running away. There were some things I didn’t really have to do during that 3 years but.. things happened already, so what.

I might have graduated from college like regular kids and I would’ve had a normal college life I guess. As much as there are things I got to experience that’s normally not possible for regular people, there are also many things I couldn’t do because of my situation. If there’s any regret, that would be friends.